Today I went to the mall with Megan and bougth a plaid, pearl-snap shirt that was on clearance for $6.99. I was pretty excited. The best part? When I showed it to Megan, she exclaimed, "That is such a Brooke shirt!" I love that someone can look at an article of clothing and associate it with me. I've never considered myself to be a person with a particular style, but today I was given a glimmer of hope. Perhaps there is a style within me yet...

Today was my last day of class...EVER! All I have left is a final and a preceptorship. The reality of this hasn't sunk in just yet, but the knowledge is quite nice.

You are never too old to outgrow class pranks. Case in point: today, when our teacher had left the room for a few moments, someone came up with the idea of having the entire class vacate the classroom. We escaped through a door in the back of the room, leaving a note on the white board: "Do you know where your students are?" After a few minutes of standing around outside, wondering what to do next, we eventually made our way back to the classroom, to find that our teacher had answered our question with one of her own: "Do I want to know?" Probably not. The greatest part of this whole ordeal is that no one, save 2 or 3 people, actually had any idea what was going on. A true testimony to the power of peer pressure, my friends. The entire class just got up and left. Why? I have no clue. Let's go too!

In other news, I think my car has finally bit it. It's had issues for quite some time now of becoming temperamental and choosing not to start for me. But usually a bit of a break is all it needs to come out of its funk. Apparently the limit has been reached. I drove to school yesterday morning, then home for lunch, and it hasn't started since. Sad day. Apparently this is why God made Triple A.

A few updates:

• I got a call this morning from a lady at Hendrick wanting to schedule an interview for the pediatric RN position I applied for. I know it's just an initial interview, but she made it sound pretty promising. That will be taking place on Tuesday, April 4.
• Tomorrow at 3 I get to go see the house that I will hopefully be sharing with Phyllis and Megan. This also happens to be when the inspection is occurring, so hopefully everything will check out and the plans for buying the house will go through.
• That's really all I have, but I feel like 2 bullets aren't enough to justify a bulleted list, so I'm adding another one to make it look like I have more to say than I really do.

So about a week ago, had you suggested to me that I stay in Abilene for a while after graduation, I probably would have looked at you like you just suggested I try my luck at professional wrestling. Not happening. All I have talked of for the past 4 years is getting out of this town as soon as possible. And yet, I now find myself inexplicably excited at the prospect of remaining here for at least another year.

Allow me to explain the rationale for such a drastic change of opinion on my part:

In all honesty, the thought of living and working in Abilene post-graduation never even occurred to me as a possibility until Ryan mentioned it on Sunday night. And I know it sounds like I'm only considering it because he is, but I promise that's not it. It seriously never even occurred to me to consider Abilene as an option. I had considered moving everywhere else in the state, but never staying put. Even when he first mentioned that he was thinking of staying, I still thought there was no way on earth you could convince me to do the same.

Flash forward to lunch on Monday. I was sitting at Bueno with Phyllis, and we were both lamenting the fact that we have major decisions ahead of us, and no clue how to go about making them. I jokingly suggested that I should just stay in Abilene and live with her and Megan. That way I could not have to say goodbye yet, and give myself a little more time to figure out where I want to end up. Well, I said it as a joke, but almost immediately after saying it, I started thinking seriously about what I had just suggested..

So Monday night I had dinner with Megan and divulged my secret contemplations to her. She immediately insisted that I carry these plans out. And, much to my surprise, I found that the more I talked about this "ridiculous" idea, the more it appealed to me. And the more sense it started making.

First of all, I really have no desire to move back home. I love my parents and all, but I feel like if I move back home, even if it's just for a few months to get myself on my feet, I won't feel like I've really established myself as my own person. And considering the cost of apartments in the Metroplex, moving straight into my own place is out of the question. Solution: Megan and Phyllis will be moving into a house, owned by Megan's parents, and will be in need of a 3rd roommate. This is ideal on so many levels: I love these girls to death, and living with them would be awesome; I miss living in a house; splitting bills 3 ways makes everything much more affordable; the house we are hoping to live in is across the alley from where my brother and his friends will probably be living; I won't be living at home.

Another appeal of Abilene: I have tons of friends here. As I began to seriously consider what moving back to the Metroplex would be like, I realized that it would mean basically starting over as far as the social life is concerned. Almost all of the people I hung out with in Arlington are no longer there, and most of them are now in Abilene. Now, I have nothing against making new friends and branching out. I think it's fun and exciting. But it's also kind of hard, and I think it might be a little much when combined with adjusting to life after college and being the new person at a job, not to mention starting a career. I feel like once I've been a nurse for a while and actually feel like I know what I'm doing, then I might be a little more ready to go somewhere completely new. But right now, I think having close friends that I know I can count on will be a definite help in adjusting to this huge transition. In the meantime, I can be working in a hospital that I'm vaguely familiar with, and saving up money for whatever the future brings.

Now, I'm not gonna lie. There is a significant appeal to the fact that Ryan may be here next year too. I don't know for sure if that will be the case or not, but if so, it would be awesome. I think that would take quite a bit of the pressure off of trying to figure out the future of our relationship. Mainly because, since we have only been dating again for about a month and a half, neither of us are at a place where we are ready to make any huge decisions. And I will admit that this is a subject I have been pressing lately, but not so much because it's one I'm ready to decide on, but because graduation is drawing nearer every day, and I just kind of wonder what that means. But if Ryan and I end up in the same place, we will have plenty of time to take this thing a day at a time. And if we don't end up in the same place, well, we'll figure that out too I suppose.

Anyway, in case you couldn't tell, I'm pretty excited about the way things are shaping up. I talked to the parents tonight about the possibilities, and they were very excited for me. This really is the first post-college option that has made me this excited. I feel like God has been hearing my prayers, and is answering them in ways I never even imagined. It seems He's a pretty big fan of the whole unpredictability thing, which definitely keeps life interesting. :)

Today is the last day of my last spring break ever. Sad day... It's been a pretty emotionally up-and-down week. Happy, sad, happy, sad. My emotions are tired. I was wanting my last spring break to be memorable...it certainly has been that.

Who knew job hunting could be so exhausting...wow. I spent all day with my friend Bonnie traipsing all over the metroplex checking out hospitals. We started out in Dallas at Medical City, where I expected to find a job fair where I could get some information about internships, but ended up actually interviewing for one. It was a really nice hospital, but I'm not sure how I feel about Dallas. I like it, but it gives me a feeling of being clausterphobic. Everything is so close together. From Dallas we went to Fort Worth and spent the rest of the day there. I talked to my contact at Cooks about my preceptorship and interviewed for an internship at Harris. We also went over to Plaza Medical Center, where I have already been offered an internship. However, I'm not sure about that place. The nurse recruiter there is pretty much insane, from what I can tell, and that makes me nervous. Out of the places I went today, I am most interested in Harris. I was able to interview with the nurse coordinator on the floor I am interested in, and it sounds like a really great floor where I would learn tons. And everyone was so nice. It was a very inviting place and I felt very much at ease. So we'll see. I still have so many other options to consider...it's pretty much overwhelming. I really wish I could just have a peek into my life about 5 years down the road so I could know what's going to happen and where I should go, but I'm pretty much definitely sure that is not going to happen. But I still believe that God will lead me to the place He wants me, I just don't know how that's going to play out. I think it's safe to say that I am in the most exciting, confusing, hopeful, frustrating time of my life thus far. Hopefully everything will fall into place...

Long Day

Wow. What a day. Talk about a roller coaster of emotions...This morning I got to get all pretty to watch Sarah and TJ get hitched. Hooray! They're such a happy couple. I know they're going to have a great life together.

Almost immediately after Sarah and TJ had driven off with their motorcycle motorcade escorts, my dad got a call that altered the mood of the rest of the day. One of the guys from my church, Zach, who happens to be one of my younger brother's best friends, was killed in a car accident last night. It's one of those pieces of news that you just don't know how to take. It's so tragic and so sad, yet it doesn't seem like it can possibly be real. My family went over to be with his family as soon as we could. Obviously, they're very shaken up. But in spite of the horrible circumstances, I'm amazed to see how much God is in this. For instance, Zach's dad has a job that requires quite a bit of travel, so he's out of town quite often. But he was home today. And his older sister Sara lives in Tennessee with her husband and 13-month-old baby, but she just happened to come to Arlington for the week. She arrived this morning shortly before they got the news. It is definitely a blessing that they were are all together to help each other out. And tonight I realized all over again just how important a church family is. I was overwhelmed at the number of people who dropped everything to be with them as soon as they heard the news. As hard as times like this are, it's comforting to know that we can be a part of a family that's bigger than just our immediate families. A family that's big enough to hold us up when it feels like everything else is falling apart. God is good.

Needless to say, many prayers are needed for Zach's family and friends right now. Pray for peace in the midst of a time of incredible hurt and confusion. Zach was an awesome guy, and he left behind a lot of people who are really going to miss him. Pray also for the families and friends of the 2 other passengers in his car. All 3 were killed on impact. So in addition to all the pain felt here for Zach, there are people feeling the same feelings of pain and loss for his 2 friends. I don't know what happened to the person/people in the other car, but I'm sure prayers for them are needed too. It can be hard to have hope in a situation as devestating as this, but I am confident that God knows what He is doing. He has not left us alone. It's times like this that we need Him the most. He is the only one who can ease the pain.

God, thank you for being a God who is bigger than our hurts. Please be with everyone who is hurting right now. Let us feel your presence and know that you have all things in your hands. It's hard to understand why difficult things like this have to happen, but we trust that you know what you're doing. Thank you for Zach and for the wonderful guy that he was. He blessed so many people's lives, and he will be dearly missed. But we know that he is with you now, and we will see him again one day. Let that knowlege bring peace and hope.

So my life is officially insane. I actually think it has been for quite some time, but I'm just now realizing it. This weekend I witnessed the marriage of one of my best friends to the only girl in the world who is worthy of him. They are incredibly happy, and I am incredibly happy for them. Next weekend I will witness the marriage of another one of my best friends. I get to be in this wedding, which is always fun. It still weirds me out that I'm at the age where all my friends are going off and getting married on me, but it's fun.

This weekend was also Phyllis' 21st birthday. Aside from the strep throat that was lovingly given to her by Mother Nature and a girl at her work, I think she had a good birthday. We stayed at my house and my mom made brownies and cupcakes, we saw Curious George, ate at Chili's, and went to the Fort Worth Zoo. Oh, and after Stephen and Rachael's wedding, we went to Megan's and played ultimate and watched a great movie. Definitely a good time.

I found out today that I got my preceptorship at Cook's in Fort Worth, so I'm pretty excited about that. I think it will be a good experience, and helpful for determining if pediatrics is really the way I want to go. I suppose it's getting about time for me to start looking into applying for jobs for after I graduate as well. All these people in my class today were talking about the interviews they have lined up for spring break and whatnot, and I realized that whether I like it or not, reality is upon me. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally pumped to be out of school and on with being a nurse. Can't wait for it, in fact. The problem is, I have no idea what I really want to do or where I really want to go. I've always said I'd go back to the Fort Worth area and work in a children's hospital. But to be honest, I don't know if that's really what I want or not. A little piece of me wants to go somewhere completely different. It would be an adventure. Part of me is jealous of my friends who are going off to South Carolina and Seattle and other places all over and starting new lives. I don't particularly want to leave the state or anything, but a new area of the state might be refreshing. But I'm afraid. Of what, I'm not exactly sure. There are just so many uncertainties right now. All I know to do is pray that God will lead me exactly where He wants me to go.

No more Fairway for me!!!