So here's the deal: I tend to get pretty freaked out when it comes to change and/or uncertainty in my life. And right now, there's a lot of both going on. Which makes me pretty much a nut case. I thought I had a pretty decent handle on things until this week. See, we had this job fair at school on Tuesday, and that's when I realized just how many options I actually have. I was offered an internship on the spot. Freaked me out. I didn't agree to anything, but just the thought that I'm entering a profession that is in such demand that people will offer jobs to people who haven't even graduated yet after speaking with them for 4 seconds...it's a bit overwhelming. I think it was like an unexpected reality check. Yeah, I know I'm graduating soon, and I know I'm gonna be finding a job and a place to live and all that good stuff, but up until now it's all been kind of "out there," you know? But the reality is slowly starting to set in. So, after pretty much having a nervous breakdown the other day (my gratitude and apologies to Ryan, who bore the brunt of it and probably thinks I am completely off my rocker by now), I think I have figured out a large part of my problem. I'm petrified of making decisions about life because I am scared to death that I will make the "wrong" decision, which will certainly lead to horrible consequences. The thought of that stresses me out even more, leading to a vicious cycle of stressing and freaking out. Not healthy. What happened to my attitude of embracing uncertainty because of my unwavering faith that God will lead me in the direction I am supposed to go? At one point I had fully entrusted God with the direction of my life, but somewhere along the way, I have tried to take matters back into my own hands. Shame on me. I know that God can see a much bigger picture than I can, and that if I just trust him, he will take care of things. God, I'm sorry for trying to take the control away from you. I know that you have a plan for me. I trust you. Please take control of my life again and give me confidence to know that no matter what happens, you will always be there.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." ~Proverbs 19:21