Sometimes I stress out. Against my better judgment, and for no apparent reason. This was the case yesterday. After all the things I just wrote in my last post about being content to let God lead me and guide me in the coming months and years, I let myself totally freak out about the fact that I have no idea what I will be doing a year from now, 5 years from now, etc. I guess it wasn't a completely spontaneous freak-out. It was brought on by a conversation I had with my manager at work yesterday. She was talking to Misty (the girl I am orienting...excuse me, coaching) and I about all the exciting things that are going to be taking place in pediatrics at Hendrick in the coming months and years. For example, there are plans drawn up for a new unit to be built. There are people from both Hendrick and Cook Children's working to get a pediatric chemo clinic in Abilene so that our chemo kids won't have to drive to Fort Worth for their treatments all the time. There is just so much opportunity for growth and improvement right now. It's exciting. In the course of the conversation about all of this, Tommy kept talking about how excited she is about all the new, young staff we are getting, and how we are the ones who are going to make this stuff happen. There were even a few times when she singled me out specifically, and told me various reasons why she thinks I am exactly the kind of person the unit needs to be successful. I really wasn't quite sure how to respond. It was quite a confidence booster. And to be completely honest, our conversation did get me really excited and eager to take an active role in the exciting changes that are taking place. I really do want to be able to help make a difference that will be felt for years to come. But...this is where the confusion lies. Just a week or so ago I found myself equally as excited about other prospects for my career future. Prospects that would take me out of Abilene long before the exciting changes at Hendrick will start to become a reality. Enter stress. I just don't understand how I can be equally excited about such hugely different paths. How will I ever begin to know which one to take? And how will these decisions affect other aspects of my life/how will other aspects of my life affect these decisions? I just started thinking about it all, and I got a bit overwhelmed. I spent quite a while unloading my thoughts on Charles, and trying to convince him to tell me what to do (which he declined to do). But he did remind me of all the things I have been telling him in recent weeks about trusting God and putting everything in His hands. Don't you just hate hearing someone give you your own advice? But I needed it. After a decent amount of venting, I began to calm down a bit and realize that I have no reason to stress myself out. God does have a plan for me, and He can see a much bigger picture than I can. I then began to wonder if maybe God isn't testing me just a little to see if I can practice what I preach...tricky, tricky. So I am currently working really hard to calm down and be patient and trust that God will take care of me. Just like He always has...