Oh man. What a crazy week I just had. I spent the first half of the week in Victoria with my mom, 2 aunts, cousin, and cousin's wife. We were visiting my mom's aunt. We had a fun girly week. It was good times. Then I came home just in time to start the excitement of Whitney's wedding. Wednesday night was bachelorette night. We went to P.F. Chang's in downtown Ft. Worth, followed by drinks on the rooftop of Reata. Thursday was the rehearsal, which was chaotic, as is typical of wedding rehearsals. The rehearsal dinner was in Whitney's backyard. Some of the best Italian food ever was consumed. Friday was the big day. Their wedding was absolutely fabulous. Very Whitney-like, complete with the new couple being escorted to their hotel via gondola while being serenaded in Italian. Stephen did an awesome job officiating the ceremony. Saturday I had a family reunion. Ryan came with me. It was fun. He's still around after being exposed to mass quantities of my crazy relatives, so I think that's a good sign. I got back to Abilene last night, and have done nothing worthwhile since. I love it. Today I slept until 1pm, got up long enough to clean my room, and then went back to bed till 3. It was nice. I think a little laziness is needed from time to time.

Today, I picked up my long-abandoned book, My Utmost for His Highest. I'm not quite sure at what point I stopped my daily readings from this book, but it's time to start again. That Oswald Chambers has some good things to say. Today's entry seemed especially aimed at me.

"Fill your mind with the thought that God is there. And once your mind is truly filled with that thought, when you experience difficulties it will be as easy as breathing for you to remember, 'My heavenly Father knows all about this!' This will be no effort at all, but will be a natural thing for you when difficulties and uncertainties arise. Before you formed this concept of divine control so powerfully in your mind, you used to go from person to person seeking help, but now you go to God about it. Jesus is laying down the rules of conduct for those people who have His Spirit, and it works on the following principle: God is my Father, He loves me, and I will never think of anything that He will forget, so why should I worry?"

I used to be a lot better at the whole not-worrying thing. I just knew things would work out. But lately I find myself spending a lot more time than is healthy thinking about and worrying about things I have absolutely no control over. As if by worrying about them, I can change the way God has planned for them to go. Why do I do this to myself? And I'm pretty sure I have yet to form the "concept of divine control so powerfully in my mind." I still tend to run from person to person with my problems, if not to seek help, just to have someone to rant to. And 99% of the time, these people can do nothing to help me. But God could. I just need to ask him. My relationship with God has not been what it needs to be lately. I have known this for a while now, but done nothing about it. That needs to change. That has to change. End of story.