Finals week status: one down, two to go.

I think I did really, really well on the final I had today. Let's hope the goodness continues.

Last night I had an emotional breakdown for no apparent reason. I had had a good day, and wasn't anticipating anything beyond the horrors of finals on the horizon, but for some reason I just felt hopeless and empty. I started thinking about where I was this time last year: exactly the opposite from where I am now. I was incredibly happy. Everything in my life was going better than I ever could have imagined, and my relationship with God was strong and central in my life. And now, here I am, a year later, and feeling the lowest I've ever felt. The very things that were the source of my happiness a year ago are either gone, or worse, contributing to my feelings of despair. As I lay in bed, crying, wishing I had someone to talk to who would understand my feelings and make me feel better, I realized that no person can do that for me. True, I have people who will listen and be sympathetic and encouraging, but the only One who can truly know how I'm feeling is the One who created me. The One who designed me with the ability to feel these feelings. At first I ask, "Why, God? Why do you allow me to feel this way?" And then I realize: I am allowed to feel this way so that I will reach a point so low that the only way to look is up. And when I look up, I see God, waiting patiently for me to realize that He has been there the whole time, waiting for the moment that I will realize He is the only One who can take the pain away and heal the brokenness. God, I've reached that point. I'm finally realizing that You and You alone are the One who can bring true joy. I'm sorry I took so long. I'm ready to let You have control of my life again. Things seem to work out better that way.