To my knowledge, I have never had a nervous breakdown before. I think I may be very close to having one now. Approximately 8 hours ago I was asked how I felt about being the charge nurse at work tomorrow. My response? "The very thought of it terrifies me. I don't think I'm ready." End result? I am charging the pediatric unit tomorrow. Yes. I am freaked out.
I know I am probably making a bigger deal out of this than it is. I am most likely psyching myself out. I know the people I work with know my abilities, and I know they wouldn't put this on me if they didn't think I could handle it. And I also know that there are people just a phone call away who will help me in any way they can. And I know that God never calls us to do more than we are capable of doing. And I know that I am still scared out of my wits.
I held myself together at work. I listened to and wrote down everything Susie told me in my approximately hour-and-a-half-long orientation to charge nursing. I smiled and thanked everyone for their faith in me. Inside, I was crying. And as soon as I was safely out of the hospital and in my car, I was crying on the outside as well. I had a small stress-release on the way home, and then I was able to hold it together for a good hour or two. Then Susie called to tell me that I will survive tomorrow, and she will help me do so. I cried again. I cried more when I called my parents to tell them how terrified I am. You would think there might be a limit to how many freak-out tears a person is allowed, but I have clearly not reached mine yet.
What I need to do is just take a deep breath, say a prayer, and trust that God isn't going to leave me. Tomorrow is just another day. People obviously have confidence in my abilities, so I should too. Of course I won't know everything, and of course I will probably make some mistakes, but that is all part of the learning process. Right? That's what they keep telling me anyway.
If you think about it, send a little prayer my direction. I know I'll be needing all the support I can get. And now, I am going to attempt to sleep. Good luck to me.
I think I need a hug...
7 Comments:
oh my gosh! they tOTallY shouldn't have let you be on your own so soon!! how mean! you should at least get some sort of "normal" orientation to charge, like a couple of shifts..or SOMEthing! well, i know you'll do great, because you are SO smart...good luck!
oh my gosh.. that's crazy! But you will do great! YOu must be some sort of super nurse! I don't think I could handle that for another 5 years.. but I know you'll do good. I'll be thinking of you and praying that everything goes well!
-Bonnie
I know you will do a great job Brooke! It says alot that they asked you to do that. Just think of Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music singing "I have confidence" :)
I hope your day as charge nurse went well and that you didn't explode! I'm sure you rocked the house.
Do you want to see the new cheesy Jennifer Garner movie with me next week sometime? I am free Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and unfortunately on other days I am only free in the mornings/early afternoons (darn those night classes!) Let me know if you are amenable to this.
Well, I get off work at the Writing Centre at 5 on Wednesday, so I could just come find you at your house then. We don't have to see "Catch and Release"...we could rent a movie or see a different one in theatres. The world is our oyster! See you Wednesday around 5, then?
hope all things worked out well! You rock!
Hey! This is my third comment!
I will have a fair amount of reading to do tomorrow night, so staying in works just peachy for me (and you know I'm all about sufficient sleep). I'll be there around 5 fo shizzle!
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