Sometimes I wonder why life is so hard. Why do people have misunderstandings? Why can't everything just be good? I don't like hurting. And I don't like hurting other people.

I'm really convinced that God is trying to get my attention. And it's working. Most of my life things have come easily for me. I've never really had to try that hard at anything that I wanted. Instead of acknowledging that as an incredible blessing from God, I let myself think that somehow I did it. Like I was just the one person in the world for whom everything just kind of worked. Only now, all of a sudden, my pretty little picture-perfect life isn't so pretty anymore. I'm hurting more than I've ever hurt before. And worse than that, I'm causing pain to the person I love more than anyone else. And I have no idea how to fix it. All of a sudden, I no longer have the magic words to make everything better. And that realization gives way to an even bigger realization: I never had the magic words. God has been behind every good thing that has happened to me. He's the one that put me in an awesome Christian family, who blessed me with amazing friends, who gave me the ability to excell in school, who blessed me with all my material possessions, who gave me the opportunity to succeed, and who allowed me to find someone to love. But I was never really grateful. Sure, I gave Him lip service. I thanked God for "everything He gave me" every time I said my prayers. But I never really acknowledged that God is, in fact, the source of all good things, and as such, He has the ability to take them away. I don't know why I was able to get by with that attitude for so long. But now, as I'm sitting here wondering why my world seems to be spinning out of control, I'm realizing that it was never in my control to start with. I'm thinking, "Ok God, I get it! You're in control! Not me!" But part of understanding that means understanding that God doesn't work on my timetable. If things are still hard, it's because there's a reason they're still hard. He's not through with me yet. So that's not easy. But I still believe that this all will turn out for the best, whatever that means. But prayers for the journey would always be welcome!