My heart is hurting right now. It is broken, and I don't know how to fix it. I know that God does, and I know that he will make everything better, but it's one thing to know that, and an entirely different thing to know that.

I've never been one to embrace uncertainty. I like to have my life all neatly planned out. I thought it was, and then, in the next moment, it wasn't anymore. I am not in control. But God is.

So you know how they say "God answers prayers?" I'm here to tell you that it's true. But here's what they don't always tell you: His answer isn't always the one we want it to be. Sometimes God says, "No." Or, "Wait a while." Or, "I have something great planned for you, you just have to trust me!!" A little over a week ago, I prayed that God would help me get my priorities back in line. I told Him that if that required me to sacrifice something I held onto very tightly, I was willing to do that. It was one of those prayers that I really meant, but secretly hoped God would not require me to make good on. Well, guess what. He did. That same day, the very thing I didn't want to give up was asked of me. I reluctantly let go of it, but not completely. There was a little piece that I held onto with a death grip. Today, the last piece was asked of me. With many tears and much pain, I have handed over to God the last of the thing which I held so dearly. I feel like He took my heart right along with it. But isn't that all God wants from us anyway? Our hearts? Who knew it would be such a painful procedure. It's taking all I have in me not to try to grab it right back out of His hands. But I can't. I know that it is safer there than anywhere else. I know that in time, he will work wonderful, amazing things in it. Maybe someday I will be given back that thing to which I clung so strongly. If so, I know it will be given back in a much better condition than when it was taken. But if God doesn't choose to give it back, I know he will give me something even better in return. It's just hard to imagine at this point that something better could exist...

God, please be with me through this painful time in my life. I know that you know exactly how I'm feeling and that you can see the bigger picture in all this when I can't. Please also be with Ryan. I know he is hurting too. Wrap your arms around him and let him feel your presence and your love. Help us both to know and understand that there is a reason all this is happening, and that in the end, we will both be stronger for having gone through it. Help us both to know that you and you alone are the only one who can fix our broken hearts. Thank you for loving us.